


Hazy Shade of Winter

by nishiki



Series: Thistle and Weeds [7]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Caring Vanya Hargreeves, Christmas, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Gen, Good Sister Vanya Hargreeves, Sibling Bonding, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18473200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nishiki/pseuds/nishiki
Summary: Christmas had always been lonely for Vanya Hargreeves. This year, however, she gets to spent Christmas Eve with Klaus.





	Hazy Shade of Winter

**December 2015**

Christmas was a sad little thing to Vanya Hargreeves. It had always been like this, of course. Growing up, they hadn't really celebrated Christmas. Dad had never seen the reason to celebrate a holiday he didn't believe in. So, while the rest of the city had been engrossed in the holiday spirit, in the Hargreeves home it had been business as usual.

For Vanya, nothing had changed since she was living on her own. Although she would have been able to buy herself a nice little Christmas tree and decorate it, she didn't see a sense in it. What good was a Christmas tree when she had no one to put gifts for under it.

Only once Allison had asked her to come to L.A. Needless to say, Vanya hadn't followed her invitation. Not because she wouldn't have wanted to celebrate Christmas with her sister and her family but because she had known even back then that Allison hadn't really meant that invitation. And, sure enough, the day after Vanya had found quite a few photos of her sister celebrating on some high society event with her then-fiance Patrick who was now her husband Patrick. Hell, Allison hadn't even invited her to her wedding.

Where Diego was currently living she didn't know. Otherwise, she might have asked him to come over for a few drinks perhaps. Then again, they never had the best of relationships anyway before they all went their separate ways. Diego had more or less tolerated her presence at the house but never taken her seriously. She had been more like his annoying little sister.

Going back to the academy wasn’t an option either. Although she would be happy to see Mom and Pogo again, she would rather cut of her own leg than to celebrate Christmas with her father. Needless to say, there wouldn't be much of a celebration anyway. Her father would be holed up in his study as always and probably not even notice that his Number Seven was back home. Of course, there was still Luther left but … the last thing she had heard was that Luther had been sent to the moon for some mission.

And Klaus … Who even knew where Klaus was these days? Or if he was even still alive.

Sometimes she found herself frozen in fear whenever she thought about her brother dead in some alleyway without any of them knowing or any way for the police to find out where he belonged to. Her brother would be just one more John Doe out there and the world would think that no one would miss him or mourn for him when he would get thrown into some anonymous grave at some churchyard. And they would never find out what had happened to their wayward brother.

This year, Christmas seemed especially lonely, though. She hadn't bothered putting up any decorations in her small apartment or to make any plans. She would just slump down in front of the TV with a pizza and ice cream and watch horror movies. She couldn't stand those schmaltzy Christmas movies that were running on repeat every year.

Those movies just showed her what she had never had growing up and never would get now as an adult. Vanya had long given up being sad about the lack of invites to Christmas parties she had to endure and no one at work would ask her about her plans anyway. At least she didn't need to lie to her coworkers - at least to those who realized that she existed. Vanya Hargreeves existed in her own weird little bubble as it seemed. Most people in her life weren’t even aware that she was there and those who were would mostly just ignore her. Two years ago she had spent Christmas with Mrs. Kowalski from upstairs because she had broken her leg and had needed help. Not even Mrs. Kowalski had asked her to come over this year though. People only talked to her when they wanted something from timid little Vanya Hargreeves and that was it. Vanya, however, didn't bother getting angry about it.

It was already past eight PM this Christmas eve and Vanya had just changed into her pajamas to curl up in front of the TV as the doorbell rang. Her first instinct was that it might be burglars who wanted to check out different apartments and see who was home and who wasn't. Last year, five apartments in this neighborhood had been robbed on Christmas Eve when the tenants hadn't been home. It was just the thought of scaring possible burglars away that prompted her to get to her feet and walk to her door. She didn't even bother to look through the peephole though. Feeling like taking risks tonight, she opened the door and was immediately greeted by the smell of a dumpster with alcohol poisoning.

»Klaus?« She breathed and resisted the urge to hold her nose as her brown eyes met the green ones of one of her favorite siblings. His once so vivid green eyes were dulled by drugs and alcohol - just like his powers.

Almost she didn't even recognize him at first, had it not been for his eyes or those wild curls on top of his head. He was taller than last time she had seen him and definitely a lot dirtier. In fact, it was hard to tell if he had a slight tan or if he was just covered in grime. Klaus, always being on the thin side and never being a good eater, was even thinner now. His hair which their father had forced into submission years ago was longer and a curly and tangled mess that looked as if birds had been nesting in it. And yet, his smile was wide and big and radiant and made her melt deep down inside as it always had.

»Merry Christmas, dearest Sister!« Klaus grinned and suddenly held something above his head that he had pulled out of the pocket of the ridiculous and probably stolen coat he was wearing. Vanya almost snorted as she saw the mistletoe. It looked pathetic and ripped and certainly stolen from someone’s living room where it should have brought delight to a possibly boring party. »Don't I get a kiss?«

She rolled her eyes before she put her hands on his shoulders and got on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek as Klaus didn't possess the decency to get down to her level. Instead, she felt his brittle lips press against her cheek in response.

»Come on in, you Dingus.« She smiled as she stepped back. Only then she noticed the half-empty vodka bottle in his other hand. She felt worry clutch her heart and although she knew that she should say something about that bottle and Klaus’ current state, she didn't. Klaus had never taken too kindly to being confronted about his problems. He would instead claim that he did not have a problem. »What are you doing here? And how do you even know where I live?«

»Oh … You know … I have my sources.« Klaus grinned as he walked into her flat just barely swaying on his feet. »And I thought that I would just spend Christmas with my favorite sister.«

»I always thought Allie was your favorite sister.« She snorted. She wasn’t even jealous of the relationship that Klaus had always had with Allison. They had shared a bond that was much different from the bond Vanya had shared with Allison. Vanya had never been interested in the topic of boys or celebrities or make-up or fashion. Klaus, on the other hand, had been interested in these things. He had never needed to come out to his siblings as gay either. Somehow they had all always known, Vanya assumed. He had been envious of Klaus only in one regard while growing up and that was because Klaus had been so unapologetically himself at all times.

»Correction: I wanted to spend Christmas with my favorite sister that’s still in town.« She chuckled at that. Well, at least Klaus hadn't changed. It was actually a relief for her to realize that now.

»In other words, you are broke and running from someone you owe money to.« She translated with a soft roll of her eyes. Maybe she was too lenient with Klaus. Maybe they all were. Then again, Diego and Luther would have probably whooped his ass for showing up unannounced like this. Vanya, however, had always been soft on Klaus. He was like her little brother, the same as Ben had been like her little brother. And ever since Ben died … Klaus seemed just so lost all the time. She wanted to help and wanted to get him back on the right track again.

» _And_ it's fucking cold. Have you looked outside? It's like a blizzard going on out there.«

He didn't have a place to sleep then. She felt a pinch in her stomach and her heart tighten in her chest. Of course, she had always suspected that Klaus didn't have a place to stay, that her brother was _homeless_ , and yet hearing it so plainly from him was just something else. It hurt. She wanted to protect him. That was why she allowed him to take a nice long shower and put on something cozy that Diego had once left at her place. Diego hadn't always hated her, after all. Their relationship might not have been great but at the very least he had not hated her back then.

»When did Diego stay with you?« Klaus mumbled as he slumped down next to her on the sofa and cringed at her film choice. He hated horror movies. He had once told her that he couldn't stand watching them because he just needed to look around himself and had plenty of horrors to feast his eyes upon. As he noticed her questioning gaze, Klaus pulled the sleeve of the sweater he was wearing right now. It was Diego's old Police Academy sweater.

»Oh … a few years ago.« She remembered how Diego had turned up on her doorstep like a drowned cat in the middle of the night. Too confused about it to turn him away, she had let him inside and offered him her couch. Almost, she had been expecting him to have left during the night while she had slept but instead, Diego had made her breakfast and told her what had happened and how he had gotten expelled from the academy. Back then, for the first time in her life, she had felt needed and important to at least one of her siblings because Diego had turned to her for help. Only a few hours later she had realized that Diego had just turned to her because there was no one else left. »He needed a place to crash when he got kicked out of the academy and said I should keep his academy stuff because he couldn't stand looking at it anymore. Obviously, he couldn't go back to the house. I haven't seen him in a while, though.«

»I read your book.« The words came completely out of the blue as Klaus shoved his naked feet under the soft blanket Vanya had laid across her couch.

»What?«

»I read your book last year … in rehab.« Klaus shrugged as he leaned in closer and rested his head on her shoulder next. He smelled much better already but she was still bothered by his dilated pupils and the alcohol he had already consumed and that she could still smell on his breath. After a moment, Vanya switched channels. She didn't wish to torture Klaus with horror movies. A Christmas Carol was running on a different channel and Klaus seemed much more comfortable with that right away. »It wasn't too bad. Though Ben was surprised about some of the things you put in there. I have to say … some of it wasn't nice, you know?«

»I’m sorry that I called you a crackhead.« She had called him much worse things than that, he assumed. She had called him a good-for-nothing junkie, a disappointment, a two-dollar hooker. And that had been the nicer insults she had come up with. As Klaus mentioned Ben, Vanya bit back the pain in her chest. He said it for attention as he said most things for attention and so the best choice would be not to give him any.

»What? No. I don't mean that. It's obviously true, isn't it?« Klaus laughed seemingly unbothered by all the insults in Vanya’s book at his expense. »No … you described my sense of fashion as grotesque. I demand an apology for that.« Vanya let out a small laugh and leaned down to press a kiss to his curls.

»I’m sorry.« It had always been easy to be physical with Klaus. He made it easy. Just like her, Klaus had always been starved for attention and haunted by what might have been. He had always sought out physical contact, perhaps to convince himself that the people around him weren't dead. She recalled many evenings that they had been allowed to watch a movie together when Klaus had cuddled up to one of them - mostly Diego and Ben - and put his head on their chests, his ear close to their hearts to ground himself in reality. It had pained her as she first realized that Klaus was looking for a heartbeat when he did this. At one point he had stopped cuddling up to his siblings. She could only assume that their father had told him to stop it. Not long after that, Ben had died and then Klaus had left.

»So … To who do you owe money? Your dealer?«

»Yeah.« He sighed almost a bit too nonchalantly. As if it meant nothing that he owed money to his dealer. As if it meant nothing that he even _had_ a dealer. »Business isn't the best at the moment.« He then shrugged.

»Business?«

»You know? Rich businessmen ready for a bit of fun before they go back to their wives and kids.«

Her chest tightened and she wanted to actually shake her brother until he would see some sense but knowing Klaus that wouldn't do anything except make him leave her apartment and run out in the streets instead. She had always known that Klaus was selling himself for his drugs or for money to buy drugs. She was not naive about that. And yet, actually hearing it hurt. »I wished you wouldn't do stuff like this.« She whispered quietly. »It's dangerous, Klaus … And I really don't want to lose another brother.«

»Don't worry, I’m a big girl.« Klaus huffed but the glare Vanya shot him made even him shut up for just a moment. »I promise I am careful.«

»You’re never careful.« She mumbled as she put her arm around him and pulled him closer, dread settling in the pit of her stomach. She hated the idea of Klaus throwing away his body like this, of Klaus throwing away his dignity like this. »I just don't want you to-«

»My body my choice.« He grinned weakly.

»But it's not, isn't it?« Maybe her words were unnecessarily sharp this time. Klaus, however, still seemed unfazed by it. He had heard it all a million times probably. »It's not your choice when it's about living or dying. I can't stand watching you throw your life away like this. I can't stand the thought that you are out there sleeping in some alley behind a dumpster.«

»Is that so? Geez … I wonder why none of you guys ever showed your concern in the past then. I feel almost … smothered by your love, Vanya darling.«

»That’s not fair, Klaus.« She sighed. »You ran away and … and Diego was looking for you every day. He was sick with worry and panic and checked every hospital for you again and again and then he-«

»Stopped.«

»Only because Dad made it pretty clear that he wouldn't want you back in his house anyway. And Diego thought that you would come to find us if you need any of us. But don't even think for a minute that any of us wouldn't have worried about you. We love you, Klaus. I love you. And I want you to be safe and happy and away from the streets and-«

»The drugs.«

»That too, yes.« She sighed. »But I know that you cannot be forced. It would be enough … if you would just stay. Maybe … Maybe you could just stay with me for a while. And if you want to get sober, awesome. If not … I can't force you. But I want to be there for you. I want to know you are safe.«

»Are you asking me to move in with you?« Was she? She was, wasn’t she? She didn't feel afraid of the possibility of having her junkie brother living with her. Not at all. Actually, the thought was a bit comforting even. As long as Klaus would be living with her, she would know that he was safe. And perhaps he would decide that he wanted to get away from the drugs at one point.

»I know … the sofa isn't much but…«

»It's perfect.« He smiled and although it was a genuine smile, Vanya knew that there was darkness lurking behind those green eyes.

She wasn't surprised as Christmas morning came and Klaus was gone. She wasn't even surprised to find that he had taken with him all the money that she had kept in her apartment. It wasn't much anyway, just around fifty bucks, and yet the disappointment stung.

She wasn't disappointed in Klaus either, as she sat down on the sofa where Klaus had left Diego's old clothes instead of taking them with him against the cold. She was disappointed in herself for actually allowing herself to hope that her brother would stay with her. She was disappointed in herself for allowing herself to give into the illusion of maybe not being alone anymore.


End file.
